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Sometimes I read my name and feel, well, detached. Like this person whose name I'm reading is someone I once knew, or almost knew, but never quite got around to it. Incredibly familiar, and yet not real enough to grasp. Like, if someone asked me who that person is, I'd know that I know them, but I would be unable to put it into words. (I have a very unusual name, btw, so it doesn't happen very often)
This shouldn't be so surprising, because it's all just a reaction to the age-old question "who am I?", but still, when i read my name and this feeling comes up, it's just strange.
On the other hand, I have days when I feel as if I know myself so incredibly well that I'm practically bored with me and need to find something new to do with myself. And it's kind of lonely, because I know that no one will ever get to know myself as well as I know myself, and with every new facette I add to myself, the chance that
anyone will ever get close to knowing myself the way I do get smaller. It's like me and me going through the world together, and every day that I do not share with someone else gets me further away of ever sharing with someone else, because how could they ever catch up?
I realize that this sounds way more schizophrenic than I really am. (at least that's what we hope over here)
Intellectually I know that this is just a symptom of loneliness, and really, I've been single for almost six years, I'm not close to my family, and I don't have any close friends in the city I life in - why shouldn't I be lonely? Except, I'm rather happy with myself. It's like I know that I should be lonely, only I don't feel lonely. I see symptoms of loneliness, but don't feel the effects. And I really don't
feel liek sharing my life with someone else, i'm quite happy to be single. Only, society tells me that I should be lonely and that everyone needs a partner to be happy, and that I will end up a sad and lonely person who drinks a bottle of redwine by herself every evening (to which I always point out that all of my friends who are in relationships drink way way more than I do, because I only ever drink when I have company, which is, not very often, whereas they seem to drink something every other evening, because they always have company. Also, misery likes company and things like that.
When I started tpying this, it was just something that popped into my head when I read my name, but now I realize that there may be a point to this after all: it's to say "hello!" to all you happy singles out there. Don't let society tell you that you are not allowed to be happy, just do whatever feels right to you!
Hugs,
O.& O.
(*g*)
This shouldn't be so surprising, because it's all just a reaction to the age-old question "who am I?", but still, when i read my name and this feeling comes up, it's just strange.
On the other hand, I have days when I feel as if I know myself so incredibly well that I'm practically bored with me and need to find something new to do with myself. And it's kind of lonely, because I know that no one will ever get to know myself as well as I know myself, and with every new facette I add to myself, the chance that
anyone will ever get close to knowing myself the way I do get smaller. It's like me and me going through the world together, and every day that I do not share with someone else gets me further away of ever sharing with someone else, because how could they ever catch up?
I realize that this sounds way more schizophrenic than I really am. (at least that's what we hope over here)
Intellectually I know that this is just a symptom of loneliness, and really, I've been single for almost six years, I'm not close to my family, and I don't have any close friends in the city I life in - why shouldn't I be lonely? Except, I'm rather happy with myself. It's like I know that I should be lonely, only I don't feel lonely. I see symptoms of loneliness, but don't feel the effects. And I really don't
feel liek sharing my life with someone else, i'm quite happy to be single. Only, society tells me that I should be lonely and that everyone needs a partner to be happy, and that I will end up a sad and lonely person who drinks a bottle of redwine by herself every evening (to which I always point out that all of my friends who are in relationships drink way way more than I do, because I only ever drink when I have company, which is, not very often, whereas they seem to drink something every other evening, because they always have company. Also, misery likes company and things like that.
When I started tpying this, it was just something that popped into my head when I read my name, but now I realize that there may be a point to this after all: it's to say "hello!" to all you happy singles out there. Don't let society tell you that you are not allowed to be happy, just do whatever feels right to you!
Hugs,
O.& O.
(*g*)